A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO...' answered the blond.
'They're watch dogs!!!'

everyone's a winner,another one tomorrow

Two cargo ships collided in the north sea, one carrying blue paint and one carrying red paint, the crew have been marooned...... aaaahhhhhh good ol' Tommy Cooper

Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question, and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.
The fist friday the question was how many gallons of water are there in the whole world. No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.
Next Friday the question was how many grains of sand are there in the whole world. No one knew so they had to sgo to school on Monday.
By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday, so he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two black ping-pong balls up to her and she said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"
Little Johnny said," Bill Cosby. See you on Tuesday."

a woman walks into a bar with a strapless dress on with hairy armpits,raises her arm and shouts out would any man in the bar buy a lady a drink.there is no reply apart from an old drunk at the end of the bar who tells the barman to get the ballerina a beer.she downs this in one and leaves the bar.the barman asks the drunk how he knew she was a ballerina to which the drunk replied,"any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!".................

2 Blondes walks into a building, you'd have thought 1 would have seen it.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you ?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

man walks into a bar .. his guide dog was looking the other way

A Glasgow chav goes to Amsetdam for the weekend to meet a hooker:
Here doll, how much??
£100 an hour.
Do ye dae it Glesga style?
No!
How No?! £200 fer Glesga style..
No!
Awe right, awe right. £500.
Ok £500.
**After the best hour of sex the hooker has ever had she says**
So what part of that was Glasgow style??
**The chav replies**

I pay you in 2 weeks when I get ma giro!!

what did Gary Glitter say to Michael Jackson?........"have you got two fives for a ten?"................